Posted 05 October 2007 - 12:59 PM
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:08 PM
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... have you changed your sex?"
"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a S h i t instead."
Edited by GNOME, 05 October 2007 - 01:10 PM.
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:13 PM
The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago."
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember!"
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!"
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:16 PM
The chief said "Before you can have a real women, you must go into the woods and practice on the trees for three days"
The Indian boy said "Ok," and went off into the woods.
Three days later, he returns and says "Me ready for women."
The Indian cheif says "Pick out any woman you want and take her inside the teepee."
The boy picked a women, escorted her into the teepee and said "Take off all your clothes, bend over and grab your ankles." The women asked "Why?", but the boy told her to just to bend over.
The women bent over, and the boy kicked her in the ass. "Why the hell did you do that?" she asked.
"Just checking for bees." replied the boy.
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:24 PM
The three guys look bewildered as the man resumes his drinking at the bar. Ten minutes later he comes back.
"Your mum's sucked my cock!" The same thing happens - he then continues to drink, alone at the bar.
Ten minutes later he's back again and announces, "Oi! I've had your mum up the arse!"
By now the young guys have had enough, and the one in the middle stands up and shouts, "Look dad, you're drunk, now piss off home!"
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:29 PM
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. “Yes, yes he did.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:30 PM
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:41 PM
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out." So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass." Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:42 PM
Posted 05 October 2007 - 01:51 PM
The elephant answers, “I’ve got this thorn in my foot and I would do anything to get it out.”
The ant says, “Anything? Would you let me make love to you?”
The elephant thought about it for a minute and decided what the heck. How bad could an ant be? So she agreed.
The ant started pulling on the thorn and sure enough, he got it out. True to her word, the elephant laid down on her side and moved her tail out of the way. The ant crawled up and started loving on her.
This monkey was up in a tree watching this. He couldn’t quite believe his eyes. He started laughing and rolling around in the tree. Then he knocked a coconut out of the tree that went down and hit the elephant right between the ears.
The elephant moaned loudly from the hit,”Awwoooohhhhh!”
The ant yelled at the top of his voice, “Take it all darling, take it all!!”
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