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The joys of junk mail


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#1 arunsingh

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Posted 23 February 2003 - 06:18 PM

The joys of junk mail

The people that are behind junk mail are the people who really care for your health and wellbeing. Imagine such people agonizing over your problems while you read a newspaper , sitting comfortably in a chair with your precious junk mail lying about your feet like a faithful dog. These people are concerned about you getting older, your need for a pair of new glasses or hearing-aid. They don't want you to be too rheumatic to dial their toll-free numbers and they are also worried to death that you may die without the fabulous funeral you deserve.

Have you ever given a thought that it is junk mail that gives people the opportunity to see their names in print along with enormous amounts of money: 'Mr Pauper, you have won one million dollars!'

Or real estate: 'Ms Homeless, congratulations, you have won a huge house in Hawaii!'

It is like daydreaming. The only difference is that somebody else does it for you. Isn't it fantastic that they dream for you and keep you informed? They keep sending you the mail even if they don't know your name, warmly addressing you as 'friends', 'neighbours', etc.

For all practical purposes, this kind of abstract mail is as good as the mail bearing your name. You can use the coupons to order pants and get free copies of magazines. Once you respond, you will have the joy of seeing your cherished name on the next mail.

Shouldn't we be thankful for the services this mail provides to lonely people for free? Seniors spend many joyful hours browsing sale advertisements, cutting coupons and storing them in a safe, handy place. Unfortunately, they can never find them when they need them. But that does not take the fun out of collecting them. They always find the pile of coupons once they expire. But there is consolation in the knowledge that the latest mail has just arrived, with more tempting coupons.

The only disadvantage of junk mail is its disposal. It is so hard to throw away big, beautiful stationery bearing your name and the amount you just won with uncountable zeros. They just scream to be framed. The first birthday card of the year always seems to come to you from somebody you don't really care about, mostly from insurance people. But it gives you a good feeling and helps to remind family and friends of your birthday. The beautiful catalogues you get for things you do not need are no easier to throw away.

Don't forget the credit cards you get without asking. These beauties are so tempting to use. Did you hear about the three-year-old girl who got a credit card in mail? First, she received an application that her parents filled out for fun, giving her occupation as 'pre-school'. To their surprise and amusement, the card came with her name on it. I saw her on television in the news, playing with her credit card in a toy supermarket.


DR.ARUN KUMAR SINGH
B.Sc.,M.B.B.S.(K.E.M.C.PAKISTAN),MD(STD)
PRESIDENT
NSO-PAKISTAN
http://pakistan.wnso.org/
Mobile No-0092-345-4040675

#2 arunsingh

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Posted 23 February 2003 - 06:22 PM

I am not a statistical maniac, but I read with amusement some statistics gathered by experts. Still, I was not thrilled to know that a person spends about 30 years of his/her life asleep, seven years in the bathroom and seven months of invaluable time in just opening up junk mail.

The last statistics on junk mail gave me an idea, realizing no one would want to throw seven precious months to the wind! Somebody could provide professional help to those who do not have time to handle their junk mail. The service could be called JMMS, short for 'Junk Mail Management Service'. The slogan could be: "Maybe Your Maybe Money can Change into Real Money through JMMS." We would take care of all the 'almost win' things such as luxury cars, fabulous cruises and the 'maybe money', all for a nominal fee. We will put stickers in their proper places and mail the documents in time. You will soon be hearing (reading) more from us in the mail. For more information just pick up the phone and dial now. 1-800-LUV-JUNK.

There could also be a game show on TV such as Junk Mail Millionaire, in which the contestants win huge prizes. The questions asked would be very legitimate, based on facts and supported by statistics. For example, if for one person's junk mail two trees are destroyed, and the total number of trees thus cut down are one million - tell us whether the duration in which the trees are consumed is one year, ten years, a lifetime or one hour?

Celebrities can even win mediocre sums for their charities in this programme and help spread the good work junk mail is doing.

And not to miss the ever-faster growth through computers, JMMS would have a website and an e-mail address. Soon, they will be sending their own junk mail by the thousands.




DR.ARUN KUMAR SINGH
B.Sc.,M.B.B.S.(K.E.M.C.PAKISTAN),MD(STD)
PRESIDENT
NSO-PAKISTAN
http://pakistan.wnso.org/
Mobile No-0092-345-4040675




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