Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:53 PM
He said, "Yeah, you're right, you are pretty when I'm drunk."
Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:59 PM
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently, and firmly.
You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.
Posted 25 March 2009 - 02:21 AM
A married couple was lying in bed at night. The wife had settled down ready to go to sleep, but he husband was reading a book by the light of his bedside lamp. As he was reading, the paused momentarily, reached over to his wife and started fondling her pu**y before resuming reading his book.
Aroused by his touch, she got out of bed and slipped off her nightdress.
The husband was mystified. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"You were playing with my pu**y," replied the wife. "I thought it was foreplay for something heavier."
The husband exclaimed: "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages."
Posted 25 March 2009 - 02:23 AM
A man bought a new range of Olympic condoms. "There are three colors," he told his wife. "Gold, silver and bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?"
"Gold, of course," he replied proudly.
"Why don't you wear silver?" she asked. "It would be nice if you came second for a change."
Posted 25 March 2009 - 02:28 AM
Three women were sitting around drinking
and talking about their love lives.
Carly said: "I call my husband the dentist.
Nobody can drill like he does."
Lauren giggled and confessed: "I call my
husband the miner because of his incredible
All the while Maxine kept quiet until Carly
asked: "What do you call your husband?"
Maxine frowned and said: "The postman-
because he always delivers late, and half
the time it's in the wrong box."
Posted 25 March 2009 - 10:01 AM
Sardar running behind bus, and finaly catches it n asked driver,
ye bus teri ma lagti hai ?Nahi.
Behan lagti? Nahi… biwi ? nahi. Tho sala chadne kyu nahi deta.
Posted 25 March 2009 - 10:10 AM
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his ******* into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my ******* into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
Posted 25 March 2009 - 10:11 AM
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago....'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
Posted 25 March 2009 - 10:32 AM
An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A.Visa
Consul : What is your name?
Arab : Abdul Aziz
Consul : Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul : I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul : Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul : Man,........isn't it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul : Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!
Posted 25 March 2009 - 10:34 AM
A chicken farmer went to a local bar......sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I am a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock ," he replied.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence...."
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