Posted 26 October 2007 - 03:54 PM
When the charming hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything.
He replied, "Oh No! Thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol."
The elderly doctor promptly handed his gin and tonic back to the hostess said, "Madam, I did not know there was a choice."
Posted 02 November 2007 - 07:12 AM
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .
Son asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly ): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
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Posted 28 January 2008 - 07:41 PM
A woman's garden was growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes wouldn't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she had tried them all.
So she went to her neighbor and asked, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?"
Her neighbor replied, "Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see."
It sounded strange, but she was very tired of green tomatoes, so she gave it a try.
The next day her neighbor asked how it had worked.
"So-so," she answered. "The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer."
Posted 28 January 2008 - 07:50 PM
“That’s correct,” replies the defendant.
“Upon which,” continues the prosecutor, “you took out a pistol and shot your wife, killing her.”
“That’s correct,” replies the defendant.
“Then my question to you is,” demands the prosecutor, “why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?”
“It seemed easier,” the defendant says, “than shooting a different man every day!”
Posted 03 June 2008 - 09:23 AM
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr old girl. On their first night both were crying. why? Because she didn't know anything and he had forgotten everything.
Posted 13 June 2008 - 04:43 AM
Husband: Is it really ur first night?
Wife: No... No...Actually it is first time at night.
Edited by Ds17, 13 June 2008 - 04:45 AM.
Posted 14 June 2008 - 04:42 AM
A man in a restaurant orders the house special.
An old waiter brings out the order beginning with some hot soup.
The customer notices the waiter has his thumb in the soup.
Feeling sorry for the old man he doesn't mention it, and leaves the soup uneaten.
When he brings the main course his thumb is in the potatoes.
Then in the coffee.
Finally, he angrily asks the waiter why he has his thumb in all his hot food.
The waiter says, "I have arthritis and the doctor told me to keep it in something warm."
The customer says, "why don't you stick it up your ass!"
And the waiter says , "I do that in the kitchen!"
Posted 14 June 2008 - 05:03 AM
Posted 14 June 2008 - 05:09 AM
"I'd love to dance with that." the first man stated.
"Why don't you go and ask her then?" the second replies as he nudges him forward.
The first man walks up to the woman and says, "Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
The woman replies, "Sorry, I'm concentrating on matrimony and would rather sit than dance."
The first man walks back to his friend dejectedly.
"So what did she say?" he interrogated.
The first man replied, "She said that she was constipated on macaroni and would rather sh*t in her pants."
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