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Few Jokes for you


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#1 Sirupate

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Posted 30 October 2003 - 01:13 PM

After the shameful defeat of pakistani cricket team with india in 03 worldcup at south africa, the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.

Inzmam could not resist for too long to be in hometown and still not be able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out. he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Imzmam !"

Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet same again - the same woman greets him "Hi Inzmam!".

Inzmam comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain - the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Inzmam!". Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, "How did you recongise me?"

The lady replied - "I am Sohib Aktar!"

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One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks.

The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught He was found to be a Sardar.

He was questioned.

He explained that there was a man standing on the track and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc .

Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger.

You should have run over that person

Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close.

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A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the Chinaman that says, "Use more soap on panties."

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry.

Finally fed up the Chinaman responded with his own note that said, "Use more paper on Ass."

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A man went to a doctor to treat his baldness. The man didn't had a single hair on his head. The doctor told him there are three ways before you.

1. Try acupuncture...It will be painful and I can't guarantee you 100% satisfaction.

2. Try Homoeopathy...That too may not work for this 'great head'.

3. This method is the surest one...Apply female secretions on your head, definitely you will get rid of your problem."

Satisfied, he was about to go and then he noticed that the doctor is also having a 'mirror head'.

He asked the doc ,"why don't you try this method?"

Doctor snorted, "I may not have hair on my head, but can't you see that I am having a hell of moustache...!!!



#2 Sirupate

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Posted 30 October 2003 - 01:25 PM

A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"

The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

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A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

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An International Cat Race was held.Qualified cats from all over the world were on the track. Race started and amazingly Ethopian Cat won.... made everyone surprised.

News Reporter rushed to the cat and asked him..
How did you make yourself so fit to win the race? Your country's economic is so bad that human don't have enough food to eat, how did you manage to get all your need for the race?

The winner replied I wanna talk to u in private if u really insist to know my talent. The winner asked him to turn off the Camera, took the reporter aside and said 'Well my friend don't say this to anyone but I'm not a cat, I'm a Cheetah from Ethopia but my country doesn't have a adequate supply of food, I've not eaten from long time so I look like a cat."


#3 Sirupate

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Posted 30 October 2003 - 01:49 PM

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.
"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"

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Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3 year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again."


#4 MunchenToHamburg

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Posted 30 October 2003 - 03:31 PM

QUOTE
Inzmam comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain - the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Inzmam!". Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, "How did you recongise me?"

The lady replied - "I am Sohib Aktar!"


This is hillarious dude. laugh.gif I was thinking something else, some stupid answer laugh.gif

#5 Sirupate

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Posted 31 October 2003 - 01:12 PM

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and Santa Singh were standing together. An englishman came up and asked, hey guys, what is your favourte flowers?

The Hindu replied, 'Lotus'
'Ha, I clean my **** with that!' the Englishman jeered

The Hindu got angry.

The Muslim replied:'Chameli
'Ha I clean my **** with that!' The Englishman response

The Muslim also got angry.

The Englishman asked Santa Singh, 'Sardarji, and what is your favourite flower?'
Santa replied: 'Cactus! Now clean your ass with that! " laugh.gif laugh.gif


#6 MANANDHAR

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Posted 31 October 2003 - 01:21 PM

U made my day Sirupate ! keep your jokes coming.. U know it makes a OVERWORKED man feel good about himself !! he he he.
"My smile is what I show...the hurt inside me I hide...My cheerfulness is what the world knows...coz I hold back my darker side."

#7 allare

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Posted 31 October 2003 - 02:19 PM

QUOTE (Sirupate @ Oct 31 2003, 01:12 PM)

The Englishman asked Santa Singh, 'Sardarji, and what is your favourite flower?'
Santa replied: 'Cactus! Now clean your ass with that! "  laugh.gif  laugh.gif

laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
sirupate, you forgot our favourate Jhilke ni..

Jhilke pani tenhi thiyo ni..

englishman bore bhayer jhilke lai sodhyo..
what is your favourate flowers?
Jhilke laughed for long time.. and other could not understand, why this jhilke is laughing.. laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
Jhilke finally stopped and said: my favourate is "sisnu" ! if you finish cleaning by cactus, then clean rest by sisnu.. laugh.gif laugh.gif

#8 Sandesh

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Posted 31 October 2003 - 03:36 PM

QUOTE
Santa replied: 'Cactus! Now clean your ass with that!


heheh yar that's really funny

#9 Sirupate

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Posted 31 October 2003 - 09:05 PM

Humanjee decided to come to Earth so he disguised. He was travelling, trying to talk to people but no one gave a damn. So he decided to tell the truth. He met some guys and said "I came to see the Earth, actually I am Hanuman"

A guy ask him"If you are real hanuman can you lift this big truck?" . He lifted without any problem.
Everyone amazed.
Another guy asked him "Can you open your chest and show Ram and Sita".
Just as he opened his chest to show Ram and Sita, Ram screamed "hey you idoit stop being crazy, don't you know Sita mata is changing her cloth" laugh.gif laugh.gif


#10 Sirupate

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Posted 02 November 2003 - 05:39 PM

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance and see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun kisses him. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out. "My dear child, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party." laugh.gif laugh.gif





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